Thanksgiving without my mother was rough. I thought that I was okay but I've been getting flashbacks since her 6th month mark. When I let my mind go, I see her face flashing in my mind and in everything I see.
In honor of her we set up her table as it would have looked had she still been here. And since she wasn't, we had to settle on a photograph and a candle that will burn only on special occasions.
I began the day preparing the food for my family as well as crying all day. Little bursts of sadness throughout, from start to finish. I went to visit her resting place to break down more than ever.
Thanksgiving was a solemn day for me as I reflected on all of my memories of her. She was my treasure in life and now my angel in the Heavens.
My favorite Thanksgiving memory was this one:
On Thanksgiving Eve many moons ago, in the living room of my childhood home, I sat reading as my mother prepared for the next day. The turkey, that had yet to be seasoned, was being used as a dancing partner. My mother, being the silly woman that she was, began dancing with a raw turkey for my enjoyment swinging that poor turkey by its wings simply to make her little girl laugh. She laughed along with me. She could never pass up the chance to either make you laugh or herself laugh. That was always her way, thinking of others.
I miss her. The holidays moving forward will never be the same without her. The missing part of my heart will always loom over my head and the sadness that many may not notice will always be there.